This was originally posted elsewhere, but I prefer blogger over that site, so, here goes.
I'm twenty-four years old, and though my lack of experience in this world might have some to do with it, I feel as though I barely know myself.
Even as I say this, I know I'm lying and that I know far more about myself than I acknowledge. I know that I enjoy reading - sci-fi, novels, history, whatever. I know that when I'm reading history, science, or any other non-fiction book I'm doing that because I have an unquenchable thirst to just know. When I read sci-fi, I'm imagining myself in far away places - not because the one I'm in now is bad, it's quite good actually, but because I just like to dream of what else there might be out there. Fiction helps me put images to the things I dream about.
I know that I enjoy cooking. I know that, given the time, I would cook every meal, every day of the week - cooking is the one place where I know I can create something good.
I know that I'm fascinated by anything technological. Show me a entry on engadget or gizmodo about even the most mundane thing, and it catches my interest. I know that, along the same line, I like gaming. I might not be as hardcore about playing games as some people, but given more free time, I know I would be, I like gaming so much that, even though I started my Computer Science program with just normal programming jobs in mind, that I now want to get into programming games.
I know that I love my fiance more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. I care for her so much, and she is my drive, my support, my better half.
But, with her and talks of our upcoming wedding (May 17, 2009) and conversations regarding officiants, etc. I discovered that I spiritually haven't the slightest idea who I am. At times I've called myself Christian. Others, an atheist, agnostic, and, I think for a few months right after high school a "Buddhist."
I'm twenty four years old, and while I might not have to believe in the things those around me do, I think it is about time I find out what it is that I do believe in. I've been so skeptical for so long, that I don't even know if it is possible for me to throw away my concerns and just express belief in something ethereal. I guess I can only search and find out, and that's what I'm going to do.
I'm on my path to finding what it is I believe in, and I know I'm going to get lost - in fact I hope I do, because maybe I'll get time to dwell on something I wouldn't otherwise.